O PROGRAMA SEGUE DENTRO DE MOMENTOS
12 years ago
Monday, 14 February 2011
German!
First German lesson with Silvia was a cracker!! I know more then I thought and less then I should!! Its a start and she is SO cool!! How lucky am I?? Now its all steam ahead and in 4 weeks I must be mega fluent so I can go back and interact more with the locals and be happier.
Tuesday, 8 February 2011
reunion
Its great to see friends again, to hear what's been happening and what are the projects for the future. Specially when the opportunity to meet in person is rare and not so easy because of the obvious distance.
It is when I see my friends I realize how much I miss them. I suppose it must be a defence mechanism, otherwise if I felt that so strongly everyday I wouldn't be able to be so far away!
And what about the feelings regarding coming back home, to my Country? They are mainly of sadness and disappointment... Of bewildering incredulity with what everyday one sees on the road, on the street, in the shops, well everywhere really.
My Country, the one I left, was a place of nice and helpful people, polite and interested, respectful of themselves and others. Somehow I find that to be kind of lost, specially in younger people, like my own generation. It was called "Geracao rasca" and it is living up to expectations!!
In Germany I find people rude and impolite because they are arrogant. Here it seems it is all related to selfishness. Maybe my generation spent far too long at the parents house before "flying from the nest" on their own and that has created a mass of people that have only rights and no duties.
Plus everyone seems to be living in mass hysteria, overwhelmed with crap Reality TV programs, dramas/soaps of poor quality where everyone shouts and fights all the time and News bulletins that are worthy only of a bad End-of-The-World movie!!!
There is very little laughter and there is a lot of long faces, even though the sun shines, flooding dark rooms and moods with light and there are mini-summers every three weeks!
Why is everyone so sad?? Oh, wait, its the "Crise". There is a crises on in Portugal, you know? Very bad, this is very bad... Is it? Sorry, I find that hard to believe!! I do not tend to base my opinions on nothing, or on rumours, or on hear-say, and specially not on the stupid/deceiving stuff that comes out of the 8 O'clock News. To have an informed opinion I try my best to read as much as possible about macro economy issues from sources like the Economist, I read and look from the outside in and that gives a sense of perspective that those inside cannot have. Well, they could if they stopped being lazy and went to http://www.economist.com/! It is 1 option there are many more and hurray for the internet to allow us to have access to education and personal improvement at a click of a finger! Amazing how so much is so wasted on the Human race!!
Anyway, I diverge! A few examples that have, literally, shocked me this year!
1 - A visit to an amateur ( and I stress, amateur ) biathlon competion revealed the level of gear and above all, bicycles, is much, MUCH higher then what you see, say, in Belgium. There were many bicycles above 2000 euros and in general more than 500 Euros in gear alone. OK, good for them, but where is the crisis?!
2 - On driving in Portugal,once again, it is obvious people have too much money to burn, because the way they drive is definitely not economic!! I find that fuel should be 10 times more expensive. I know, I know, its polemic, but think about it, how many lives would be saved, specially of motorcyclists, if the general public was forced to drive to save fuel, because at the moment what I see is Euro notes coming out of the exhaust pipe and ripped to pieces by the tyres... While they are forced out of driving, it will be safe to cross a pedestrian crossing without fearing for our lives, the environment will be cleaner and maybe, just maybe, they will learn ( finally!!) that, in traffic, it is about progression, not top speed!
3 - The price of houses is a good measure of how healthy a Country is, and judging by that Portugal is one of the best in Europe! I found that a flat in Ericeira is more expensive then my old flat in Sunningdale!! Well, I am the greatest fan of Ericeira, but this is not London and even more ridiculous, Sunningdale is one of the most expensive Real Estate in Britain!! So, there you have it, maybe the Queen is living somewhere in the Ribeira D'Ilhas! Surfing!!
4 - The cars!! My God the cars!! I am, by now, pretty blaze when it comes to cars, seeing that I live in the Mecca of petrol heads, the Nurburgring. On any given day I can see 5 different Porsche Carrera GTs, an average 15 or so Porsche GT3RS, a couple of Aston Martins and lots of Ferraris. And there its ok to see them, it makes sense. What is not so easy to understand is to find so many (and all new) luxury cars in such a "poor" Country. You could say its a sign of how Third World Portugal's economy has become, but that is not true either, because, according to European results for the sale of cars for 2010,all cars, Portugal is on the top, together with others, apparently not so poor!
5 - Going back to the bicycles, I found out this weekend that the Rolls Royce of bicycles, the Titanium-framed Seven, has two big markets, one is Germany and the other Portugal!! Yes, a 5000 Euro frame, followed by all the other goodies to make it into a 8000 Euro bike, is a high seller here, not in the UK, or Belgium, or France! We are, actually, competing with GERMANY!!!!
Ok, I could go on and no, I haven't forgotten about homeless numbers, asylum seekers and Welfare Support, I have also read about those and the proportion of those in the Society is not more then in the UK or France.
What I think is people are unhappy because they are told everyday by the TV things are bad and they believe it. Stop listening to that, stop being negative, respect each other more and enjoy the great Country Portugal can be!!
It can only be great if each and everyone of us makes our little bit great, say good morning to everyone you meet on the street, be nice to the shop keeper even if they are not, improve our manners and slowly, in every area of Society, things will change. But DO NOT expect a "Sao Sebastiao" to come and save the Country, it depends only on us all!
It is when I see my friends I realize how much I miss them. I suppose it must be a defence mechanism, otherwise if I felt that so strongly everyday I wouldn't be able to be so far away!
And what about the feelings regarding coming back home, to my Country? They are mainly of sadness and disappointment... Of bewildering incredulity with what everyday one sees on the road, on the street, in the shops, well everywhere really.
My Country, the one I left, was a place of nice and helpful people, polite and interested, respectful of themselves and others. Somehow I find that to be kind of lost, specially in younger people, like my own generation. It was called "Geracao rasca" and it is living up to expectations!!
In Germany I find people rude and impolite because they are arrogant. Here it seems it is all related to selfishness. Maybe my generation spent far too long at the parents house before "flying from the nest" on their own and that has created a mass of people that have only rights and no duties.
Plus everyone seems to be living in mass hysteria, overwhelmed with crap Reality TV programs, dramas/soaps of poor quality where everyone shouts and fights all the time and News bulletins that are worthy only of a bad End-of-The-World movie!!!
There is very little laughter and there is a lot of long faces, even though the sun shines, flooding dark rooms and moods with light and there are mini-summers every three weeks!
Why is everyone so sad?? Oh, wait, its the "Crise". There is a crises on in Portugal, you know? Very bad, this is very bad... Is it? Sorry, I find that hard to believe!! I do not tend to base my opinions on nothing, or on rumours, or on hear-say, and specially not on the stupid/deceiving stuff that comes out of the 8 O'clock News. To have an informed opinion I try my best to read as much as possible about macro economy issues from sources like the Economist, I read and look from the outside in and that gives a sense of perspective that those inside cannot have. Well, they could if they stopped being lazy and went to http://www.economist.com/! It is 1 option there are many more and hurray for the internet to allow us to have access to education and personal improvement at a click of a finger! Amazing how so much is so wasted on the Human race!!
Anyway, I diverge! A few examples that have, literally, shocked me this year!
1 - A visit to an amateur ( and I stress, amateur ) biathlon competion revealed the level of gear and above all, bicycles, is much, MUCH higher then what you see, say, in Belgium. There were many bicycles above 2000 euros and in general more than 500 Euros in gear alone. OK, good for them, but where is the crisis?!
2 - On driving in Portugal,once again, it is obvious people have too much money to burn, because the way they drive is definitely not economic!! I find that fuel should be 10 times more expensive. I know, I know, its polemic, but think about it, how many lives would be saved, specially of motorcyclists, if the general public was forced to drive to save fuel, because at the moment what I see is Euro notes coming out of the exhaust pipe and ripped to pieces by the tyres... While they are forced out of driving, it will be safe to cross a pedestrian crossing without fearing for our lives, the environment will be cleaner and maybe, just maybe, they will learn ( finally!!) that, in traffic, it is about progression, not top speed!
3 - The price of houses is a good measure of how healthy a Country is, and judging by that Portugal is one of the best in Europe! I found that a flat in Ericeira is more expensive then my old flat in Sunningdale!! Well, I am the greatest fan of Ericeira, but this is not London and even more ridiculous, Sunningdale is one of the most expensive Real Estate in Britain!! So, there you have it, maybe the Queen is living somewhere in the Ribeira D'Ilhas! Surfing!!
4 - The cars!! My God the cars!! I am, by now, pretty blaze when it comes to cars, seeing that I live in the Mecca of petrol heads, the Nurburgring. On any given day I can see 5 different Porsche Carrera GTs, an average 15 or so Porsche GT3RS, a couple of Aston Martins and lots of Ferraris. And there its ok to see them, it makes sense. What is not so easy to understand is to find so many (and all new) luxury cars in such a "poor" Country. You could say its a sign of how Third World Portugal's economy has become, but that is not true either, because, according to European results for the sale of cars for 2010,all cars, Portugal is on the top, together with others, apparently not so poor!
5 - Going back to the bicycles, I found out this weekend that the Rolls Royce of bicycles, the Titanium-framed Seven, has two big markets, one is Germany and the other Portugal!! Yes, a 5000 Euro frame, followed by all the other goodies to make it into a 8000 Euro bike, is a high seller here, not in the UK, or Belgium, or France! We are, actually, competing with GERMANY!!!!
Ok, I could go on and no, I haven't forgotten about homeless numbers, asylum seekers and Welfare Support, I have also read about those and the proportion of those in the Society is not more then in the UK or France.
What I think is people are unhappy because they are told everyday by the TV things are bad and they believe it. Stop listening to that, stop being negative, respect each other more and enjoy the great Country Portugal can be!!
It can only be great if each and everyone of us makes our little bit great, say good morning to everyone you meet on the street, be nice to the shop keeper even if they are not, improve our manners and slowly, in every area of Society, things will change. But DO NOT expect a "Sao Sebastiao" to come and save the Country, it depends only on us all!
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Fear
Fear is there all the time, in the corner of the room, in the dark shadow that forever will follow us. We carry fear with us, its impossible not to because it is what keeps us alive, up to a point. Fear can also kill us, fast or slowly, depending on what we do with it. Some fears will be impossible to conquer in our lifetime and if we let them, they will destroy us from within, messing with our minds, making us believe or disbelieve, see or not see, confusing us to the point the only thing we can do is stop, literally be paralyzed and go no where even though our life depends on how fast we can run out of there!
It is easier to control fears of a physical nature, like the fear of flying, but how do you control a fear that goes behond anything physical and comes from deep routed insecurities, abuse, violence, loneliness? Maybe the techniques are the same, anyway! Maybe only a shrink can tell!
It is very difficult to fight fears, to push them down so they are small enough to not hamper our decisions and have a positive effect instead of a negative one.
My response to physical fears is to rationalized them and think about them without the emotional emphasis, just think of the actions to take in the event of an emergency. That keeps me safer while riding and also gives more confidence, because I have seen the films many times in my head.
My response to the other type of fear is to run away as fast as possible!! But that doesn't cure me from them, doesn't beat them to oblivion and to a manageable size. That just makes them bigger!! So, be brave and fight is the only solution. I just hope I am not fighting the very essence of my survival instinct.
It is easier to control fears of a physical nature, like the fear of flying, but how do you control a fear that goes behond anything physical and comes from deep routed insecurities, abuse, violence, loneliness? Maybe the techniques are the same, anyway! Maybe only a shrink can tell!
It is very difficult to fight fears, to push them down so they are small enough to not hamper our decisions and have a positive effect instead of a negative one.
My response to physical fears is to rationalized them and think about them without the emotional emphasis, just think of the actions to take in the event of an emergency. That keeps me safer while riding and also gives more confidence, because I have seen the films many times in my head.
My response to the other type of fear is to run away as fast as possible!! But that doesn't cure me from them, doesn't beat them to oblivion and to a manageable size. That just makes them bigger!! So, be brave and fight is the only solution. I just hope I am not fighting the very essence of my survival instinct.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Carta a uma amiga
O prometido é devido e aqui vai! Desculpa o atraso de quase uma semana, mas tenho tido vários afazeres e pouca energia mental para escrever. Outro pedido de desculpa vai para a ortografia, que já era má há 10 anos atrás graças à minha mini dislexia, mas agora está ainda pior, porque basicamente quase não falo ou escrevo em português. Sou mais um número a engordar a coluna da ilitracia!
Bem, vou tentar resumir os ultimos anos para não te maçar assim muito e começo pelo fim.
Pois no dia 13 de Março casei! É verdade, aconteceu mesmo, para surpresa geral, principalmente minha!
E não posso dizer que tenha sido o dia mais feliz da minha vida e também não o vivi com uma sensação de "achivement" que normalmente se associa a esse evento. Na verdade nunca fez parte dos meus planos casar e, devido á minha situação familiar, nomeadamente ausência duma Mãe, foi até doloroso. Mas foi também uma festa super fixe!! E isso deu-me a força e o ânimo que me ajudou a chegar ás 4 de manhã feliz. Acima de tudo pelos meus amigos, que vieram de todo o lado e que são sem duvida o melhor que há no mundo. Havia 11 nacionalidades no total, desde a Escandinávia, à Madeira e até Hong Kong e Tansmânia, estavam lá todos os continentes!!
Casei com o Jochen, um belga que conheci em finais de 2005 e que me tirou uma foto quando visitei o Nurburgring, a mitica pista de corridas na Alemanhã Ocidental. Desde o primeiro momento que nos entendemos, apesar de estarmos em campos opostos em tantas coisas! Mas, suponho, isso é bom porque nos equilibramos um ao outro entre uma briga e outra! Coisas normais entre pessoas que estão muito próximo.
Ele tem muita paciência e tolerância para mim, não me prende e deixa-me ser como sou, o que é bom para mim.
E por ele estou agora a viver na Alemanha, deixei a minha adorada Inglaterra e tudo para trás para começar uma nova etapa com ele. E olha que é mesmo por amor ( alguns dirão completa estupidez!) que aqui estou, porque este País não é nada fácil para mim. São todos uns trombudos e a larga maioria muito antipáticos. Há excepções, claro, e felizmente já encontrei uma pessoa que, tal como eu, está no lugar errado!! É a minha professora de alemão e as minhas aulas não são só aprendisazem linguística, são uma espécie de terapia, para mim e para ela.
Há várias coisas que deixei em Londres e que me fazem muito falta, mas acima de tudo falta-me o riso, o humor e a palhaçada que sempre me rodeou com os meus amigos. E o riso é, talvez como o amor, o pão da Alma. Sem eles morremos por dentro todos os dias.
Mas eu sou assim, vou vivendo por capítulos, mas sempre com um tema comum, vivo para me dar aos outros, por isso, neste momento, "dei-me" ao Jochen e vou tentar que resulte mesmo não gostando particularmente do que me rodeia. Quando digo neste momento, é mesmo isso, um dia de cada vez, amanhã pode eventualmente ser diferente!
È horrível ser-se assim, sabes, incapaz de assentar, incapaz de pensar em termos de tempo, mas só e unicamente em termos de espaço! O tempo para mim só tem um vector, "Não percas tempo a ser infeliz, procura outro espaço onde serás feliz"!!
Sou impaciente, irrascivel, incontrolável, sempre. Mas o outro lado desta moeda é coragem, determinção, confiança total e sem medos andar para a frente. Na verdade nunca vou ser diferente disto, é a minha matéria e se tempos houve em que estive mesmo perdida e sozinha, concequencia de más decisões devido á minha impulsividade, hoje aprendi e aceitei que se é assim que vai ser, então vou tirar o maior partido possível da vida que me foi dada e que pode acabar a qualquer momento.
Coisas que vêm com a idade, os ingleses chamam-lhe "mellowing", um termo excepcional e que descreve perfeitamente esse fenómeno de transformação que os anos trazem consigo, juntamente com os cabelos brancos!
Antes de me mudar para aqui, no dia 2 de Abril de 2009, vivia em Sunningdale, um sitio lindo mesmo ao pé de Windsor e Ascot e trabalhava em Heathrow, no Posto de Inspecção fronteiriço do aeroporto. Estive lá 4 anos e foi giro. Aliás eu volto lá para trabalhar de vez em quando para substituir os meus colegas quando eles vão de férias. É bom, porque volto a estar com todos os meus amigos aproveito para me encher que todas as coisas boas que adoro e que me fazem feliz. É como voltar a respirar depois de estar debaixo de água ou aquele bocado de pão quentinho com manteiga quando se está esganado de fome!!!
Não sei o que é que há naquela terra, mas desde o primeiro momento que lá cheguei que me senti em "casa", coisa que eu não sei onde é ou o que é sequer. Houve um momento em que percebi que é a minha casa espiritual e será sempre o sitio onde volto com mais alegria.
Fui muito feliz entre 2005 e 2008. 2005, posso dizer com absoluta certeza, foi o ano mais feliz da minha vida. Começo muito turbulento; em Janeiro estava ainda a trabalhar e viver no mesmo sitio onde me visitas-te e sentia-me mesmo, mesmo perdida. O mais infeliz possível...
Em 2004 sofri várias desilusões que me atiraram para um poço muito fundo, mas como tudo na vida, que é cheia de surpresas, complicações e convulsões, em Outubro conheci alguém que foi, é e será sempre, uma luz muito forte que me ilumina o caminho e me ajuda sem saber que o faz e não é o Jochen!! Mas com os anos também aprendi que se podem amar muitas pessoas, com muita intensidade mas de forma diferente, ao mesmo tempo e não faz mal. Foi o Steve que me deu uma força enorme para sair do buraco onde tinha caido e trouxe com ele a mudança da maré na minha vida.
Em Janeiro de 2005 recebi a proposta para ir para Heathrow e nem pensei duas vezes!! Mas mesmo antes de me mudar tive um acidente com a motinha, a Hornet 250, e foi de braço ao peito que fiz a mudança!
Já em Londres, o emprego era a 5 minutos de distância da loja da Triumph mais famosa no Mundo, Jack Lilleys, e foi lá que comprei a minha adorada Speed Triple 1050 amarela. A loja tornou-se a minha segunda casa e até estive à frente do clube Triumph durante um ano. A primeira viagem que fiz ao Nurburgring foi com essa moto e com ela fiz milhares de Kilometros loucos pela Europa fora. Uma completa hooligan, mas um pote de risos!! Eu e o Steve, tão louco quanto eu, divertimo-nos bastante a "dançar" entre os carros na autoestrada a velocidades ilegalmente estapafurdias, coisa que invariavelmente nos fez sentir mais vivos do que acho um bebé recém nascido!
Num dia de Junho de 2006 encontrei o espaço onde a tinha deixado vazio... Não sei como se pode sentir tanta dor ao perder uma "coisa", um objecto inanimado, mas a verdade é que nunca mais consegui colmatar aquele espaço que ficou para sempre vazio. Voltei a comprar uma Speed Triple, mas não era o mesmo e nunca será, porque em mim algo mudou e não voltei a sentir aquele amor que cimenta uma ligação quase extra terrena e que nos faz sentir imortais, próximo do Paraíso mesmo. Hoje acho que se não a tivessem roubado, eu e ela, teríamos morrido, porque realmente me sentia imortal assim que as luzinhas brilhavam, o pé metia a primeira e o cérebro era tomado pela "need for speed". Assim sendo, talvez tenha sido intervenção divina...
Antes de 2005 não interessa particularmente, para ser sincera, fiz algumas asneiras grosseiras e, não as esquecendo, não esquecendo o quanto magoei pessoas que não queria magoar, tomo tudo o que aconteceu como uma lição. Caí, levantei-me e aprendi! Aliás os fortes não são os que não caiem, mas os que caiem e se levantam.
E agora o futuro!! Vou fazendo as coisas por passos e avaliando diáriamente a direcção a seguir. Primeiro tenho de aprender alemão e depois quero trabalhar em clinica de pequenos animais e acumpultura veterinária. Mas ao mesmo tempo tenho de ajudar o Jochen no seu trabalho e manter a casa minimamente decente! E é uma casa enorme!! Uma trabalheira...
Sei que quero atravessar África, viajar por lugares longínquos e gostava de fazer voluntariado em regiões muito necessitadas como Somália, Quénia, Angola e até Afeganistão. E quando queremos uma coisa com muita força, de certeza que lá chegaremos!
Um grande beijinho!!!
Bem, vou tentar resumir os ultimos anos para não te maçar assim muito e começo pelo fim.
Pois no dia 13 de Março casei! É verdade, aconteceu mesmo, para surpresa geral, principalmente minha!
E não posso dizer que tenha sido o dia mais feliz da minha vida e também não o vivi com uma sensação de "achivement" que normalmente se associa a esse evento. Na verdade nunca fez parte dos meus planos casar e, devido á minha situação familiar, nomeadamente ausência duma Mãe, foi até doloroso. Mas foi também uma festa super fixe!! E isso deu-me a força e o ânimo que me ajudou a chegar ás 4 de manhã feliz. Acima de tudo pelos meus amigos, que vieram de todo o lado e que são sem duvida o melhor que há no mundo. Havia 11 nacionalidades no total, desde a Escandinávia, à Madeira e até Hong Kong e Tansmânia, estavam lá todos os continentes!!
Casei com o Jochen, um belga que conheci em finais de 2005 e que me tirou uma foto quando visitei o Nurburgring, a mitica pista de corridas na Alemanhã Ocidental. Desde o primeiro momento que nos entendemos, apesar de estarmos em campos opostos em tantas coisas! Mas, suponho, isso é bom porque nos equilibramos um ao outro entre uma briga e outra! Coisas normais entre pessoas que estão muito próximo.
Ele tem muita paciência e tolerância para mim, não me prende e deixa-me ser como sou, o que é bom para mim.
E por ele estou agora a viver na Alemanha, deixei a minha adorada Inglaterra e tudo para trás para começar uma nova etapa com ele. E olha que é mesmo por amor ( alguns dirão completa estupidez!) que aqui estou, porque este País não é nada fácil para mim. São todos uns trombudos e a larga maioria muito antipáticos. Há excepções, claro, e felizmente já encontrei uma pessoa que, tal como eu, está no lugar errado!! É a minha professora de alemão e as minhas aulas não são só aprendisazem linguística, são uma espécie de terapia, para mim e para ela.
Há várias coisas que deixei em Londres e que me fazem muito falta, mas acima de tudo falta-me o riso, o humor e a palhaçada que sempre me rodeou com os meus amigos. E o riso é, talvez como o amor, o pão da Alma. Sem eles morremos por dentro todos os dias.
Mas eu sou assim, vou vivendo por capítulos, mas sempre com um tema comum, vivo para me dar aos outros, por isso, neste momento, "dei-me" ao Jochen e vou tentar que resulte mesmo não gostando particularmente do que me rodeia. Quando digo neste momento, é mesmo isso, um dia de cada vez, amanhã pode eventualmente ser diferente!
È horrível ser-se assim, sabes, incapaz de assentar, incapaz de pensar em termos de tempo, mas só e unicamente em termos de espaço! O tempo para mim só tem um vector, "Não percas tempo a ser infeliz, procura outro espaço onde serás feliz"!!
Sou impaciente, irrascivel, incontrolável, sempre. Mas o outro lado desta moeda é coragem, determinção, confiança total e sem medos andar para a frente. Na verdade nunca vou ser diferente disto, é a minha matéria e se tempos houve em que estive mesmo perdida e sozinha, concequencia de más decisões devido á minha impulsividade, hoje aprendi e aceitei que se é assim que vai ser, então vou tirar o maior partido possível da vida que me foi dada e que pode acabar a qualquer momento.
Coisas que vêm com a idade, os ingleses chamam-lhe "mellowing", um termo excepcional e que descreve perfeitamente esse fenómeno de transformação que os anos trazem consigo, juntamente com os cabelos brancos!
Antes de me mudar para aqui, no dia 2 de Abril de 2009, vivia em Sunningdale, um sitio lindo mesmo ao pé de Windsor e Ascot e trabalhava em Heathrow, no Posto de Inspecção fronteiriço do aeroporto. Estive lá 4 anos e foi giro. Aliás eu volto lá para trabalhar de vez em quando para substituir os meus colegas quando eles vão de férias. É bom, porque volto a estar com todos os meus amigos aproveito para me encher que todas as coisas boas que adoro e que me fazem feliz. É como voltar a respirar depois de estar debaixo de água ou aquele bocado de pão quentinho com manteiga quando se está esganado de fome!!!
Não sei o que é que há naquela terra, mas desde o primeiro momento que lá cheguei que me senti em "casa", coisa que eu não sei onde é ou o que é sequer. Houve um momento em que percebi que é a minha casa espiritual e será sempre o sitio onde volto com mais alegria.
Fui muito feliz entre 2005 e 2008. 2005, posso dizer com absoluta certeza, foi o ano mais feliz da minha vida. Começo muito turbulento; em Janeiro estava ainda a trabalhar e viver no mesmo sitio onde me visitas-te e sentia-me mesmo, mesmo perdida. O mais infeliz possível...
Em 2004 sofri várias desilusões que me atiraram para um poço muito fundo, mas como tudo na vida, que é cheia de surpresas, complicações e convulsões, em Outubro conheci alguém que foi, é e será sempre, uma luz muito forte que me ilumina o caminho e me ajuda sem saber que o faz e não é o Jochen!! Mas com os anos também aprendi que se podem amar muitas pessoas, com muita intensidade mas de forma diferente, ao mesmo tempo e não faz mal. Foi o Steve que me deu uma força enorme para sair do buraco onde tinha caido e trouxe com ele a mudança da maré na minha vida.
Em Janeiro de 2005 recebi a proposta para ir para Heathrow e nem pensei duas vezes!! Mas mesmo antes de me mudar tive um acidente com a motinha, a Hornet 250, e foi de braço ao peito que fiz a mudança!
Já em Londres, o emprego era a 5 minutos de distância da loja da Triumph mais famosa no Mundo, Jack Lilleys, e foi lá que comprei a minha adorada Speed Triple 1050 amarela. A loja tornou-se a minha segunda casa e até estive à frente do clube Triumph durante um ano. A primeira viagem que fiz ao Nurburgring foi com essa moto e com ela fiz milhares de Kilometros loucos pela Europa fora. Uma completa hooligan, mas um pote de risos!! Eu e o Steve, tão louco quanto eu, divertimo-nos bastante a "dançar" entre os carros na autoestrada a velocidades ilegalmente estapafurdias, coisa que invariavelmente nos fez sentir mais vivos do que acho um bebé recém nascido!
Num dia de Junho de 2006 encontrei o espaço onde a tinha deixado vazio... Não sei como se pode sentir tanta dor ao perder uma "coisa", um objecto inanimado, mas a verdade é que nunca mais consegui colmatar aquele espaço que ficou para sempre vazio. Voltei a comprar uma Speed Triple, mas não era o mesmo e nunca será, porque em mim algo mudou e não voltei a sentir aquele amor que cimenta uma ligação quase extra terrena e que nos faz sentir imortais, próximo do Paraíso mesmo. Hoje acho que se não a tivessem roubado, eu e ela, teríamos morrido, porque realmente me sentia imortal assim que as luzinhas brilhavam, o pé metia a primeira e o cérebro era tomado pela "need for speed". Assim sendo, talvez tenha sido intervenção divina...
Antes de 2005 não interessa particularmente, para ser sincera, fiz algumas asneiras grosseiras e, não as esquecendo, não esquecendo o quanto magoei pessoas que não queria magoar, tomo tudo o que aconteceu como uma lição. Caí, levantei-me e aprendi! Aliás os fortes não são os que não caiem, mas os que caiem e se levantam.
E agora o futuro!! Vou fazendo as coisas por passos e avaliando diáriamente a direcção a seguir. Primeiro tenho de aprender alemão e depois quero trabalhar em clinica de pequenos animais e acumpultura veterinária. Mas ao mesmo tempo tenho de ajudar o Jochen no seu trabalho e manter a casa minimamente decente! E é uma casa enorme!! Uma trabalheira...
Sei que quero atravessar África, viajar por lugares longínquos e gostava de fazer voluntariado em regiões muito necessitadas como Somália, Quénia, Angola e até Afeganistão. E quando queremos uma coisa com muita força, de certeza que lá chegaremos!
Um grande beijinho!!!
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Day one
Being a gypsy is not easy. Above all because you can’t afford to get attached to anything. In fact “things” are all temporary, disposable and must be left behind, because what really matters is feelings and freedom.
And the same applies to the people that you meet along the way, they all have to be left behind one day, unless they are also a gypsy and go with you. Was I born like this or did life make me into one? Well, after 200 years of Military “Fathers”, each one born in a different place, many miles from each other; after 10 schools, 100 houses and 1000 moves; brought up looking outside, questioning what is behind the next hill and the next one and the next one, how can I be anything other then a gypsy!!
Going back is painful. Coming back to the UK, to my house, to my work, is unheard of for me, exactly because it’s painful and I don’t like pain at all! It is a strange place to be, no man’s land, nor here, nor there, waiting to do the passage, all stamped up and ready to start again. I suppose it is especially painful because this is such a great Country, full of different realities that co-exist side by side in the smallest of spaces, permanently adjusting and respecting, because that is the British way. Some do it by politeness, not really feeling the appeal of the exotic, but the majority does it because of genuine niceness and because they are a civilized people. And because of their DNA chain has 90% more humour genes then everyone else!! How many times a day do you laugh? I for sure took that for granted. It is more important to laugh, in general, then to get a hug. A hug is important, very necessary in times of sadness, but laughing does something to our souls that only making love to that special one can surpass. . Someone told me last week in response to the lack of humour in my new life that, living without it, is like living without music! Very true.
But, like everything else, they too have to stay behind, because the way is forward. I look at it and feel (gypsy life is all about feeling!) incredibly privileged for the time spent in the mist of this society. The lessons they taught me will be invaluable to the rest of my life. Above all try to deal with everything with humour; love, death, joy and adversity, the best way is always to joke.
I seem to pass through people’s lives like a hurricane, fast in, fast out, leaving nothing in it’s place. And I don’t even stay for the reconstruction! This upsets those that have deep roots the most, but it also causes great distress to the ones that actually want to go, but can’t make them selves run and follow what they really feel is right.
So that is the struggle, to feel to the maximum without getting too hurt. Experience the strongest wind on a naked bike and enduring the pain in the neck! Loving friends more then they have ever imagined possible and closing the door when it’s time to go, not for them, but for me. And the struggle goes now to another level. The gypsy soul is in love! Dangerous you might say, especially for the brave/foolish man that decided it was a good idea to love, protect and cherish this troubled being that is me! Dangerous it is, in fact, but that has one huge advantage to conventional certainty: exactly because it’s dangerous, you pay more attention to every detail, every day is a beginning and, again, you feel the all thing much more and intensely. I mean, it’s like getting on your Motorbike every day, isn’t it?! Well, it should be and maybe less divorces existed if people saw it like that instead of being bored out of their minds.
It would have been impossible to be this “wise” and sorted without all the mad races, on or off the bike, without all the crazy escapes, without all the fidgeting!! And I know a soul like mine is not made for settlement, which is very important, because only when we know ourselves can we be happy with someone else. And that is the objective, from now to whenever ( maybe only tomorrow), TO BE HAPPY!
It starts today, I’m choosing the wedding dress…My God it feels an alien concept! Another lesson I suppose and with the help of my friend, much more experienced then me, it should come out alright. Although, the devil in me is trying to lure me to go to Jack Lilley's instead and get a Speed Triple, probably the same price but much better value for money! I say to the devil, I expect to enjoy that dress as much as I enjoyed the bike and intend the get many miles out of it, not just one Sunday ride out in March!!
S
And the same applies to the people that you meet along the way, they all have to be left behind one day, unless they are also a gypsy and go with you. Was I born like this or did life make me into one? Well, after 200 years of Military “Fathers”, each one born in a different place, many miles from each other; after 10 schools, 100 houses and 1000 moves; brought up looking outside, questioning what is behind the next hill and the next one and the next one, how can I be anything other then a gypsy!!
Going back is painful. Coming back to the UK, to my house, to my work, is unheard of for me, exactly because it’s painful and I don’t like pain at all! It is a strange place to be, no man’s land, nor here, nor there, waiting to do the passage, all stamped up and ready to start again. I suppose it is especially painful because this is such a great Country, full of different realities that co-exist side by side in the smallest of spaces, permanently adjusting and respecting, because that is the British way. Some do it by politeness, not really feeling the appeal of the exotic, but the majority does it because of genuine niceness and because they are a civilized people. And because of their DNA chain has 90% more humour genes then everyone else!! How many times a day do you laugh? I for sure took that for granted. It is more important to laugh, in general, then to get a hug. A hug is important, very necessary in times of sadness, but laughing does something to our souls that only making love to that special one can surpass. . Someone told me last week in response to the lack of humour in my new life that, living without it, is like living without music! Very true.
But, like everything else, they too have to stay behind, because the way is forward. I look at it and feel (gypsy life is all about feeling!) incredibly privileged for the time spent in the mist of this society. The lessons they taught me will be invaluable to the rest of my life. Above all try to deal with everything with humour; love, death, joy and adversity, the best way is always to joke.
I seem to pass through people’s lives like a hurricane, fast in, fast out, leaving nothing in it’s place. And I don’t even stay for the reconstruction! This upsets those that have deep roots the most, but it also causes great distress to the ones that actually want to go, but can’t make them selves run and follow what they really feel is right.
So that is the struggle, to feel to the maximum without getting too hurt. Experience the strongest wind on a naked bike and enduring the pain in the neck! Loving friends more then they have ever imagined possible and closing the door when it’s time to go, not for them, but for me. And the struggle goes now to another level. The gypsy soul is in love! Dangerous you might say, especially for the brave/foolish man that decided it was a good idea to love, protect and cherish this troubled being that is me! Dangerous it is, in fact, but that has one huge advantage to conventional certainty: exactly because it’s dangerous, you pay more attention to every detail, every day is a beginning and, again, you feel the all thing much more and intensely. I mean, it’s like getting on your Motorbike every day, isn’t it?! Well, it should be and maybe less divorces existed if people saw it like that instead of being bored out of their minds.
It would have been impossible to be this “wise” and sorted without all the mad races, on or off the bike, without all the crazy escapes, without all the fidgeting!! And I know a soul like mine is not made for settlement, which is very important, because only when we know ourselves can we be happy with someone else. And that is the objective, from now to whenever ( maybe only tomorrow), TO BE HAPPY!
It starts today, I’m choosing the wedding dress…My God it feels an alien concept! Another lesson I suppose and with the help of my friend, much more experienced then me, it should come out alright. Although, the devil in me is trying to lure me to go to Jack Lilley's instead and get a Speed Triple, probably the same price but much better value for money! I say to the devil, I expect to enjoy that dress as much as I enjoyed the bike and intend the get many miles out of it, not just one Sunday ride out in March!!
S
Saturday, 15 August 2009
Friends
Friends are the best thing in the world! My life would be void without you and my journeys would not have a purpose. Thank you friends!
Sunday, 5 July 2009
4 weeks in the UK
"You are back, how nice! Can't keep away?!" Its true, I can't keep away from Britain. I never thought it would be this difficult to be away, but coming back as also shown me that I did the right thing and I just need to adjust my life there to not get into a deep depression. Still no German, needs to change, and then more riding needs to happen as well!
The Summer has truly arrived here, although we got really wet in Cornwall, where it was suppose to be dry!! But we still got a couple of hours on the beach. Probably should have stayed longer, because the traffic was SO bad!!!
Im staying at a BandB in a Convent, the Bridgittine Guest House, in a little room, of a Tudor house, with a little balcony just for me! Its, as expected, a very peaceful place, allowing for deep thoughts and meditation, which is good for me. Also met there a half Portuguese Priest that was very nice. i would recommend this place very much, www.bridgettineguesthouse.co.uk
Return to Germany is on Friday and the next 4 days are full of racing and track day work between NurburgRing F1 and Spa. After, and armed with my new PaintPod, is DIY time!! Oh joy!! And in between the Firestorm will be coming out for some riding at the The Green Hell.
The Summer has truly arrived here, although we got really wet in Cornwall, where it was suppose to be dry!! But we still got a couple of hours on the beach. Probably should have stayed longer, because the traffic was SO bad!!!
Im staying at a BandB in a Convent, the Bridgittine Guest House, in a little room, of a Tudor house, with a little balcony just for me! Its, as expected, a very peaceful place, allowing for deep thoughts and meditation, which is good for me. Also met there a half Portuguese Priest that was very nice. i would recommend this place very much, www.bridgettineguesthouse.co.uk
Return to Germany is on Friday and the next 4 days are full of racing and track day work between NurburgRing F1 and Spa. After, and armed with my new PaintPod, is DIY time!! Oh joy!! And in between the Firestorm will be coming out for some riding at the The Green Hell.
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